It’s the week before school, and in an attempt to get some R&R before my final year at Brown, I have landed in New Jersey, surrounded by some of my favorite women, sitting atop a bed after an evening of sangria and drunken pool debauchery. Then it happens. An oath, a pledge of sorts, amongst these fine young Brunonians. A commitment to be YES WOMEN.
Yes Woman (n.) An individual of the female kind who has agreed to say “yes” to every proposition which exist throughout the course of her final year at one Brown University, regardless of any illness, pussiness, hesitation, or physical hurdle.
I can’t say that there was any hesitation on my part to make such a promise. And as I reflect upon the challenges or potential propositions I may face during this fine senior year, I become giddy with glee due to the fact that I have already been committed to taking them by the balls. Here are a few things off the top of my head that I can promise right off the bat.
I, MK LOPICCOLO (GINGER YES WOMAN), DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO SAY YES IN THE FOLLOWING SCENARIOS…
One evening, I see Gail outside of the Ratty and ask myself if I should offer her a sip of my beer.
I am asked to complete the SciLi challenge. On a Monday afternoon.
I find a tent, and ask myself, would it be wise to sleep in this on the main green?
On a Wednesday evening, anyone asks me to go to Whish Fish Co. At 9 pm.
A dude on Thayer asks me if I want to buy a joke for a dollar.
Should I wear this grandma sweater to the bar?
Someone proposes that I join the juggling troupe on the main green.
A young lad asks me if I wanna DFMO.
Someone suggests that we pregame our 11 am section.
I am invited to Sunday kareoke. I am asked to sing “Man in the Mirror.”
A naked man offers me a chocolate covered donut with pink sprinkles in the library.
A blond freshman asks me if they look like the brunette person on their fake ID.
Someone asks me if I want another drink. Another person asks me if I want another drink. The bartender asks me if I want another drink.
Someone asks me if I’m drunk.